I had never imagined that in only one year in China I would be lucky enough to be invited at Chinese wedding, but here we are!
Their relation to marriage is very different from ours. From what my students (invaluable source of information they are) tell me, the boyfriend-girlfriend thing is not popular in schools. When a boy and a girl like each other, that’s all they do: liking each other. No kisses or hand holding, no body contact while they are at school. In university, they also take things slow. First they see each other chaperoned by their friends, then they call each other from time to time, then they meet alone, then they text some more and perhaps then they hold hands or the boy tries a furtive kiss.
From that point of view China is still very traditional. When you have a boyfriend/girlfriend it’s not just to fool around, but to get in a serious relationship. The boy is presented to the parents and/or grandparents where he is questioned about his intentions, his studies, his job and his salary. If the family does not approve of him, the relationship will end there. No discussion, no questions asked.
I have come to pity the poor men who have to fight all these obstacles to get to the girl they like. Selection is merciless. Girls will reject him before her family does if he didn’t attend a decent university or of his salary is too low. What’s more, the man is expected to provide a house and a car once the couple gets married.
Which brings us to our wedding. If the couple decides that their relationship is stable and serious, they commonly decide to get married. There’s no proposal like those we see on the movies because it is considered normal for a couple to get married after having spent a certain time together. All girls want to get married and all girls want a baby.
So, what does a Chinese wedding look like?
Having no other point of comparison I’m just going to describe this one which was a very nice celebration, although very different from western weddings.
First, the wedding takes place at a hotel/restaurant during lunch time. Bear in mind that a wedding here doesn’t last more than 3 hours. When the guests arrive they give the red envelope to whoever is in charge of welcoming them. The money is counted in front of you and the amount is noted on a notebook next to you name, so usually everyone gives the same amount. This was quite unsettling for us all the more so as I can’t explain why they do this since I didn’t dare asking.
the restaurant
Then you sit at a table, talk with those next to you while the happy couple enters the room and start the show. Because it really is a show, with bright lights, loud music and a big screen. Now some foreigners might frown upon this but I thought that it was an interesting way of celebrating the union. After all, whether the ceremony lasts the entire day or just a couple of hours, whether you get married in a castle or in a restaurant the aim is the same, the couple gives a spectacular show for us to remember them by.
the aisle
There is a little “mise en scene”, different in each wedding. This one was moving because the groom had to walk and meet his bride halfway. Then they simulated a proposal and he told her his vows in a very moving way.
walking in with her father
and out with her husband
After which, we all started eating from the thousands plates there were on our table. Drinks and food magically fill themselves as we finish them, so you rest assured that no one will die from hunger! Everything is delicious and there’s an incredible variety of dishes…
excellent food
- And that’s pretty much it; as people are full they stand up and go, it’s as simple as that.
Oh, and girls, the bride gets to change her dress during the meal, my colleague here switched from her beautiful princess-like dress into a long and elegant red dress (as the tradition says here), the show never stops!
The picture will he here soon… sorry folks!
